What Do You Do?
What do you do when you have asked someone 22,895 times to stop doing something and they continue to do it? You ask yourself, "are they doing this on purpose or is it an honest oversight?" Me? After 22,894 times I tend to think they are doing it on purpose. Patient? Me? Oh yes, I am probably the most patient person in the whole world. Does patience run out? Mine has!!!!
So what do I do when I lose my patience? Do I scream, yell, throw a fit? No. I go to the person who has caused me to feel like going ballistic and walleyed and ask them..."Are you doing this on purpose? Is there something you are trying to tell me that I am not getting? Is there something I am doing that makes you want to do the opposite of what I have asked you hundreds of times not to do?" You are probably laughing now, I am, cause it sounds so ridiculous to me when I think about it, but there are certain things I can't stand that are small things in one way, but then I am reminded of the scripture that says it's the little foxes that spoil the vine.
So what am I talking about? I am talking about things like...Please don't block my car in the driveway at night, cause I go to work at 10pm and I need to be able to get out of the drive without having to come in and get you up, wait for you to get your shoes on and get dressed so I can leave. Then there's the...please don't take a shower late at night cause you use all the hot water. Well, I have a boy in our home who wants to let the water run for an eternity while he shaves and primps, then will stay in the shower until the hot water runs out. I have asked him to take a shower earlier and to not let the water run, but it isn't happening yet. Then there's the.... leaving dirty dishes in the sink night after night, so when I start to cook the next day, I have to wash them before I start cooking. Both boys have short term memory loss from taking drugs, which is about to drive me to taking drugs. However, when is it forgetting and just not caring? I sometimes wonder if I need to put a big sign in the drive that says, this is your parking space, a sign over the sink, that says wash your dishes and a sign in the bathroom that says, don't leave the water running when you aren't in the shower and think of others before you stay in the shower until the hot water runs out. Anyone have any solutions or am I over reacting? Perhaps I need to give Dr. Phil a call, I know he will straighten me out!
So what do I do when I lose my patience? Do I scream, yell, throw a fit? No. I go to the person who has caused me to feel like going ballistic and walleyed and ask them..."Are you doing this on purpose? Is there something you are trying to tell me that I am not getting? Is there something I am doing that makes you want to do the opposite of what I have asked you hundreds of times not to do?" You are probably laughing now, I am, cause it sounds so ridiculous to me when I think about it, but there are certain things I can't stand that are small things in one way, but then I am reminded of the scripture that says it's the little foxes that spoil the vine.
So what am I talking about? I am talking about things like...Please don't block my car in the driveway at night, cause I go to work at 10pm and I need to be able to get out of the drive without having to come in and get you up, wait for you to get your shoes on and get dressed so I can leave. Then there's the...please don't take a shower late at night cause you use all the hot water. Well, I have a boy in our home who wants to let the water run for an eternity while he shaves and primps, then will stay in the shower until the hot water runs out. I have asked him to take a shower earlier and to not let the water run, but it isn't happening yet. Then there's the.... leaving dirty dishes in the sink night after night, so when I start to cook the next day, I have to wash them before I start cooking. Both boys have short term memory loss from taking drugs, which is about to drive me to taking drugs. However, when is it forgetting and just not caring? I sometimes wonder if I need to put a big sign in the drive that says, this is your parking space, a sign over the sink, that says wash your dishes and a sign in the bathroom that says, don't leave the water running when you aren't in the shower and think of others before you stay in the shower until the hot water runs out. Anyone have any solutions or am I over reacting? Perhaps I need to give Dr. Phil a call, I know he will straighten me out!
posted by Live, Love, Laugh at
9:24 PM
21 Comments:
I believe you will find this problem filed under "Raising Teens"
My boys were pro's at doing some of the things you mentioned. Long showers, dirty dishes everywhere, even in their rooms.
The good news is that its not a forever thing.
The only solution I found was them growing up.
Wow. I don't even you. I'm a very patient person, but after awhile, enough is enough. Maybe consequences need to take place or something. Dirty dishes = fix their own dinner the next night or something. That'll fix 'em!
And in response to your comment, yes, I was just talking to Nathan about it. He was planning on calling you on Thursday. He's still very interested in volunteering.
Mountain Mama,
I hope I can last that long. lol!!!
Amstaff,
I decided I am going to let them figure out dinner for themselves this week, maybe even forever. heehee, we'll see if they listen on empty stomachs. At least I am in a better mood now than when I wrote that post, I was so ready to throw in the towel, but where there is no struggle there is no strength!!
Personally, I would opt for the signs. After a while, hopefully it would become second nature to them and you could take the signs down.
I can totally identify with the long showers. When our teenage nieces are staying with us, we have to patrol their shower-taking like our life depended on it.
In my rush to get everyone ready and out the door, I make sure I'm the last to shower. And it's already just tepid when I get in.
GRRRRR.
I hate to say it, but until they get a place of their own and pay their own bills they won't remember. It's not that they are doing it purposely, or out of spite they just don't concept the idea of COMPLETE responsibility until they are hit over the head with it.
I say if they use too much water, leave too many dirty dishes, etc charge them for the extra water or for "maid service" each time being more so they get the point.
It happens here all the time with hubby. Oldest son is pretty good about stuff but he's only 9. Not sure how smoothly things will go once the "princess" gets of an age where she wants the bathroom.
I actually think a note placed here & there is not a bad idea. The book I just finished reading said that most times people, men especially, just don't notice things like that. Of course I've done what the book says & ask for help or told the person what bugs me. It helps for a few weeks then it just goes back to how it went before. So obviously there is no definate fixing of the problem.
Great now I'm rambling!
Hey thanks for stopping by & commenting on my blog. I read yours a lot & get such inspiration here! Thanks for all the great posts!
Hey... been away for some time... but I'm back.
There's a difference between self expression and communication. If I bawl out my kid(s) about something till I'm blue in the face it may well just be self expression. It's communication when I get him to respond. So I guess you were doing the right things by asking questions and trying to see if they can come up with a solution. If they have some input they might be more liable to own the problem and the solution...MIGHT BE! Good luck!
Pop into my site and answer the question of the month for me... if you've got a few minutes to spare. Ta.
good reminder hehe.
What i meant was that i can get forgetful too ;)
Only a mother...
Don't even go to them and talk - you've already done that. This is what you do the next time one of them boys does something stupid again:
1. Blocked your car? Take away the keys.
2. Used up the hot water? Take away all their 'primping' supplies.
3. Leave dirty dishes in the sink? Empty the fridge & the pantry (take away every morsel of food in the house - you eat at a friends' house for the time being).
Do this until they change. Don't back down, don't talk to them. Just say real nicely in a very sweet tone - I'd love for you to have all these things back, as soon as you stop doing this and that.
Good luck.
I have experienced what you have, and signs and language don't work. The kids will grow up, move out, and then there will be other 'issues'. The trick is to overlook as much as you can, if you can't change it. My boys will sweep the floor, but sweep everything into a little pile in the corner of the kitchen, rather than remove it. So, there it is, all of our untidyness in one little corner. I've thought to light a candle, and count my blessings there.
Have the neighbors car ticketed and towed, put a timer on the shower, and paddlelock all the cabinets and refrig. Bet they'll remember the next time.
Ralph
Um - pull out the belt! Get dad to take it off real fast, and pull it right out of his belt loops like he used to on us!! hahaha! Okay - maybe too drastic.....
Just a thought though!
LOL...I opt for the signs....real big...with their names on them, so that each knows who you are talking to when they read it!
Our Lord uses our children to mould us. I've learnt to depend on Him to interact with them.
Our children will be grown up soon. Then we'll miss the present days.
Haha!
OK, here's what worked with my girls. If one of the girls parked behind me and I had to leave, I took their car! Before long they figured a way to park their car on the street.
The shower: In our house you cannot take a shower upstairs when water is running down stairs. When my son wanted to use up all the hot water, we would turn on the hot water down stairs and only cold water would come out upstairs. He very quickly learned to use only what he needed.
Dishes in the sink - Give the boys paper plates and plastic forks to use. All they have to do is throw them in the trash.
Good luck, teenagers are a hard bunch to raise. Thanks for the book title.
Hmmmm... maybe a call to Bob Villa to install a timer on the hot water control? I agree that if you stop cooking for them, it will put an end to the dirty dishes! If all else fails, beat 'em.
Dear Dana,
You don't have the market closed on patience. I do..LOL...Just ask anyone who knows me. I'm the most patient person you'll ever meet.
I'm for the sign method. If they have short term memory loss, that little "blip" will help them. Kinda like Alzheimers or Dementia people....they never forget how to read, just the message it entails.
Good luck with that.
Leann, my kids don't read yet.
We burned out and were living in a 17 ft. camper with 2 - 16 year old girls who didn't even want to share a room....
Everything had to be put away all the time or there was no where to sit or eat dinner. Dishes had to be washed because we only had enough to make and eat one meal....
They were NOT very helpful.
Wouldn't make the beds, put away their coats, their school books, rinse out the dishes, pick up their clothes. Fought about it for a week, then took action.
I left them a pillow with no case and a sleeping bag with instructions to put them in the drawer under the bunks every morning or lose them, too.
I made them wear the Dad's old coats to school till they come up with a dollar to get theirs back. Not stylish at all. Both borrowed dollars from sympathetic friends. Also hung up coats.
I made them go to school with no books or homework one day. The teachers were quite cooperative in getting after them because they had no book to study or homework to hand in. I gave them back the books the next day with instructions to put them on the shelf in the closet or lose them again.
When they were out of clothes I gave them the pile of dirty laundry and said here they are...
In a week we had them doing their chores and putting everything away.
I am with dana and others on this. Take away the dishes, remove the food from their reach, only instead of a timer on the water, turn off the water after 8 pm. Move the car, take the keys and throw them in the attic. If they don't remember after that get professional help.
Stop letting them drive you nuts with things that any good room mate would do. Tell them it is room mate problems and that it is your duty as parent to make sure they will be good roomies so they have a place to live in the future.
Kids do understand consequenses, you have to impose them consistantly. Yelling and talking don't work like actions will.
The world will be way harder on them than you will, teach them so.
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